Asking Eric: Wife left a gift to niece in her will, but husband hesitates to hand it over

Dear Eric When my wife and I updated our wills she designated a diamond tennis bracelet and diamond stud earrings to her niece she had no biological children of her own Later that month my wife was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer to which she would succumb months later My daughter my wife s stepdaughter is a radiation oncologist and became our daily advocate as we navigated the byzantine world of cancer medication Shortly after my wife s evaluation her niece became engaged and it was my wife s one wish that she live long enough that we could attend her niece s wedding which we did At no time during my wife s illness did the niece reach out to her aunt that I know of other than to visit her during her final two weeks with her parents looking bored the whole time That year I arranged a two-day celebration of life I sent out invitations and inquired for RSVPs The niece s mother stated me that they my wife s brother his wife and the niece would unfortunately not be able to attend as the niece was pregnant and the second day of the celebration fell on the day they decided to have the reveal party for the new baby even though they knew of the celebration of life even before the pregnancy was reported While my wife had designated her niece as the recipient of the bracelet and earrings I still having complete control of the will would like to give those items to our daughter She was there daily for my wife for which she was more than appreciative and I do believe in my heart had my wife known how poorly her niece behaved during her illness and following her death she would want our daughter to have those items too So what do I do honor my wife s wishes as she declared them before becoming ill or do what I think she would have demanded based on the niece s behavior during her illness and after Missed Inheritance Dear Inheritance Honor your wife s wishes Withholding the bracelet isn t going to change the past and it isn t going to do what you really want allow your wife to have received the love that she offered to the niece I would presume that there are other items in your wife s estate that you can give to your daughter I also hope that your daughter knows how meaningful her presence was to you and to your wife during her illness And it won t hurt to tell her again But think of the tennis bracelet as a gift freely given without expectation Your wife loved her niece As with any other relationship theirs was unique It s realizable you don t know every detail of it But even if you do trust the feelings that your wife had The gift of the bracelet doesn t absolve the niece However by honoring your wife s wishes you allow more of the beauty that she brought into the world to flourish Dear Eric We have a super bad event of favoritism in my husband s family He is the eldest and was passed over by his mother giving every valuable item to her second son My mother-in-law made a terrible show of slam-dunking her nicer silver on the younger brother as if to say my husband did not qualify for it somehow The consequence has been that I established my own serving items despite feeling ripped off on the traditional silver heirlooms we had been promised Our complication is that his mother has become a thief and cheers herself up by stealing from us She makes it clear that she perceives herself as judge and jury we didn t deserve her passalongs and now we don t deserve our own store-bought items How does one deal with a rotten egg like this She doesn t want us or me as the unworthy daughter-in-law to have a sou We are taking precautions against financial identity theft We should be able to enjoy our consolation silver however we want without nailing it down Related Articles Asking Eric After wife s death widower is not ready for family visits yet Asking Eric Mother of disabled son is tired of well-meaning advice Asking Eric Sister gets short end of the stick from father s estate Asking Eric After receiving financial advocacy for years daughter cuts parents off Asking Eric Niece excludes one branch of large family tree at wedding Silver for Spite Dear Silver I don t want to sound trite here but your best remedy is only to eat out at restaurants with your mother-in-law That way if she s stealing it s not from you and I doubt a restaurant manager is going to let her go scot-free Sometimes we re powerless against family toxicity and so the best subject of action is setting a boundary Often those boundaries are emotional but I think physical boundaries are also useful here Your mother-in-law is not only creating emotional chaos in the family but she s committing crimes in your home Don t give her the opportunity As with any other hostage-taker emotional or otherwise sometimes the best meeting place is a neutral one Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com